“People who work in certain roles are expected to not show any sign of weakness” he said. 

John worked in the NSW Police for 32 years and enlisted when he was 19-years-old. 

According to John, up until about 2010 PTSD wasn’t heard of. 

“It’s only really been recognised as an issue through the launch of the Invictus Games and through acknowledgement by the army,” he said. 

Over 33 years John worked in Sydney, Woy Woy and Terrigal. 

He said he initially quit the force after 18 years because he recognised there was something wrong but didn’t know what it was. 

“I became quiet, angry or just fall into a complete state of despair.” 

After a period of time, John went back to the force as he believed his symptoms were under control. 

“However all the symptoms came back when I rejoined,” he said. 

John said people in the force and elsewhere would treat their symptoms with drinking binges. 

When John was initially diagnosed with PTSD he was shocked to discover that it was actually a health condition. 

John initially went to the doctor for a problem with his back. However the doctor saw that there was something else wrong. 

“I was a mess and collapsed on the ground,” he said. 

The doctor told me I was doing ‘too much of a lot of things’ and ‘my cup was full’. 

John’s doctor sent him home and he didn’t go back to the force after that. He retired in 2009. 

John said while the disorder tends to manifest in the same way, the triggers for it differ from person to person. 

For John particular items can trigger links to traumatic incidents he attended in the past. 

Plastic shopping bags and upturned buckets are items which John tends to avoid wherever possible. 

John wanted to retire in Terrigal but he decided to move to Kew because he couldn’t live in the same area where he worked. 

This is because people and places have become triggers. 

“There’s still a highway I can’t travel on,” he said. 

John said PTSD never stops or goes away but people can learn how to manage it. 

“I keep it under control with exercise,” John said. 

“I swim two kilometres about three times a week if I can.” 

“I like to keep busy.” 

John has written a book called ‘The Man Behind the Uniform’. It evolved after John’s doctor told him to write down his experiences as part of dealing with his PTSD. 

He said he has given a lot of books away to paramedics, firefighters and other police officers. 

Copies of John’s books are available at the Q Pop Up Gallery in Kew. 

John said support is vital for people who have PTSD. He recommends that people talk to others they can trust.